I’m not confident and I have a tendency
to mumble or go silent so it’d be good
for us both if you had some sort of past
experience. An ideas man (or woman!)
would also be good because I don’t yet
know the name the premise the format
the tone the audience where to get good
recording equipment what flowers if any
to have on the windowsill how to hold
my hands when I’m talking what steps
to take to harness the awesome power
of search engine optimization whether
or not we should have guests and if yes
whether we should tell them it’s okay
to swear whether or not to film it all—
I would prefer somebody who knows
how to make very good coffee (not for me
I just like knowing people take pleasure
in things). Wouldn’t it be funny if we both
had the same name! I don’t know it might
make me like mine more I can’t wait
to meet you there are all sorts of things
I might remember to say if you can think
of asking me lately it’s gotten really bad
I can feel it in my sides my back my teeth
my blood my feet keep fizzing asleep I can’t
smell anything is this serious do you think
I should get tested are you a doctor what if
my liver’s already yellow as sun-gored straw
what if it is a trembling yolk needing only
a tender look for it to burst and spill cascading
custard soaking me within colouring my heart
my heart what if it should poison me without
so much as a warning taste what then what
if it already has and I don’t have long left
I don’t know maybe we could talk about that
I hope you get this message are you a doctor
are you a doctor are you a doctor are you
—
Joshua Clayton is a PhD candidate in English at the University of Cambridge. His writing has recently appeared in, among other places, Gigantic Sequins, Barren Magazine, The Cambridge Review of Books, and The Journal.
Artwork by: Mehdi Babousan
