Circuitous Roots

by Andrew David

Boredom rests between apathy and relaxation on Csikszentmihalyi’s flow model. I imagine it to be one proton away like lead and gold. Whereas alchemy is the study of turning lead into gold, I haven’t quite figured out the process of turning boredom into relaxation.

I could attempt to force relaxation as one would break a horse or train a bird of prey. However, in certain instances, hawks will starve themselves to death rather than succumb to the commands of a master. Drastic training methods have included: tethering the hawk to one’s gloved forearm and only eating when the bird does; water consumption is OK since birds of prey don’t need water. In Black Snake Moan, Christina Ricci was tethered to Samuel L. Jackson with a thirty-foot chain to break her of nymphomania. It was the follow-up film to Hustle and Flow, by Craig Brewer, in which 3-6-Mafia won an academy award for best song. Peter O’Toole was nominated eight times for an academy award without winning. His roles consisted of two kings, a teacher, a paranoid schizophrenic who becomes nobility, two actors (one suffering from prostate cancer, another based on Errol Flynn), a sadistic film director, and T.E. Lawrence. 3-6-Mafia won their award for “It’s Hard Out There for a Pimp.” Though O’Toole was recognized by the academy, I don’t count the Honorary Oscar; the Eastman Kodak company has one of those. It’s incredible to think, in this analogy, Peter O’Toole represents the failed attempts to attain relaxation.

In a seemingly natural progression, worry comes next on the flow model. If continuing in a clockwise manner, the following is anxiety, which is the combination of worry plus emotionality: the physiological representation of emotion. Worry can be analogous to drinking in that small amounts can have beneficial effects. Worry dictates the use of a seat belt before operating a motor vehicle or the avoidance of upsetting dangerous animals like hawks. Peter O’Toole’s heavy drinking, and a birth defect, required the removal of his pancreas as well as a small section of his stomach. He still managed three academy award nominations after his operation.

Arousal is the antithesis of boredom on the flow model: the act of being awake and receptive to stimuli. Nymphomania is the extremely frequent and urgent need for sexual gratification in women. Though sexologists disagree as to the classification, cause, or even existence of such a condition, one theory suggests the condition arises as a satisfaction of an impulsive or compulsive urge. Christina Ricci may have been excessively worried or simply just bored.

Flow and control remain. Control, the practice of something until mastery is attained, and flow, complete immersion without distraction. Carlos Hathcock, a marine sniper in Vietnam with ninety-three confirmed kills, had a thirty-thousand dollar bounty on his head when the average ranged from eight to two-thousand dollars. He attributed his efficiency and survival on flow. It can be surmised arousal and control were also vital in this regard. Odds are almost certain he wasn’t bored.

Boredom and relaxation are both devoid of arousal to external and internal stimuli. One leads to thoughts of depression and suicide; people spend their whole lives in spiritual and philosophical pursuit of the other.

            Meditation,

            inebriation,

            pimping,

            Peter O’Toole’s gastroenteritis,

            high precision riflery,

            falconry,

Genghis Khan alone on the Kirghiz Steppe, fleet horse, falcon at the wrist, wind in the hair, crushing enemies, seeing them driven from their homes, hearing the lamentations of their women.

Masturbation; sperm traveling at speeds of twenty-five to twenty-seven miles per hour leaving the urethra. Sperm could run the marathon in an hour beating current record holder Patrick Makau’s time by one hour, three minutes, and thirty-eight seconds.

Abusing controlled substances meant for breakthrough pain. Trapped in a maze like The Minotaur, a foul creation who destroys Seven and Seven’s like Peter O’Toole’s smooth muscle tissue.

Worry, anxiety, arousal, flow, control, boredom.

Boredom rests between apathy and relaxation on Csikszentmihalyi’s flow model. I imagine it to be one proton away like lead and gold. Whereas alchemy is the study of turning lead into gold, I haven’t quite figured out the process of turning boredom into relaxation.

Andrew Davie received an MFA from Adelphi University. His work can be read in Bartleby SnopesNecessary FictionMenacing Hedge, LitroNY, and Easy Street, among others.

Photo by: Ana Prundaru