He preferred life pre-Big Bang, is what he said. Part of him, he swore, remembered. He said, If I lie in the dark long enough, I forget what my body feels like. Something inside me is hungry, he said. It wants to feel whole again. Did you know, he said, we were all the same, once? Just little specks of matter arranged in different ways. I want to feel like that again. I want to feel—feel it.
He says, It’s still in me, somewhere. This is as close to it as I can get. Did you know, he says, the closer you get to the Big Bang, the less sense everything makes? There’s a fraction of a second where the laws of physics don’t apply; the universe is falling.
I tell him that’s the drugs talking. I tell him, I love you, please stop. I tell him, I know you’re empty—will always feel empty—no matter how much you feed it. I want to reach my hand down his black hole throat and grab it around its neck. Imagine I could rip it out at the root. Imagine he let me, didn’t clamp down on my arm to keep it from leaving.
He asks, Did you know that the universe existed for three hundred thousand years before it knew what light felt like?
I didn’t, I say.
He says, I’m so close to feeling. I can’t stop.
Nikki Einsig is a poet and fiction writer that plans on moving to Massachusetts very soon to be with their partner and three cats. For now, they’re finishing a Creative Writing degree at Susquehanna University, where they are the poetry editor for RiverCraft and the Editor-in-Chief of Rosehip, a pop-up LGBTQIA magazine. Live long & prosper.
Artwork by: David Weinholtz
David Weinholtz is an Artist living in Brooklyn, NY. His work continues to be inspired by the ever fascinating urban world in which he has lived for almost 15 years & beyond. Weinholtz’s art takes many forms & spans multiple genres, & is the solution to the creative question emerging in the unique & priceless inspirational moment. Please feel free to contact him at firstname.lastname@example.org or 860-966-0032, regarding commissions, purchase of original art, publication requests or to collaborate. Prints can be purchased at fineartamerica.com/